Great picture, right?
Anyways, Kelly works at the movie theatre one town over from where we live and as a bonus, gets two free movie tickets per day. We took advantage of that as much as we could over the summer and now that we're on break, we're back to our old habits.
Everything seemed to be going as usual. We were being too loud, sprawled out across the chairs, eating candy and popcorn, comparing the main character to ourselves. I felt bad for the one other person that was sitting about six or seven rows behind us.
The movie we saw isn't important. What's important is that Kelly and I sat in the theatre while the credits rolled just talking.
Then suddenly, the guy who was behind us tells us that a lot of bands from Boston were in this movie. "Oh really, uh yeah, cool" was Kelly and my's response. He seemed to take that as a hint that he should tell us his life story.
Seriously though.
For a full fifteen minutes, Kelly and I sat and listened to this man's problems.
First it started off with how he was like one of the characters in the movie. He couldn't get a date in high school, "much less the backseat action that was going on"(actual quote) And mind you, this isn't some 30 year old or something, this guy was 57, at the movies by himself, complaining about his love life to two teenage girls.
From his high school, he moved on to telling us about his two marriages that failed. He talked briefly about his first wife and how she was a "super cheater" and after he paid a lot of money to divorce her, she wanted him back because her new husband was cheating on her now. He described his second wife as a "attic alcohol, drugs, crack" If someone could tell me what that means, it would be greatly appreciated. All we knew was that she did a lot of drugs and he left her too. After two months though, she died on an aneurysm. He got back his house, his kids, his guitars, everything that she took from him in the divorce. But that came at a price too, the house needed repairs that he couldn't afford and the kids weren't too fond of him I guess.
From there he just went on to talk about how he hated women. It was here that I actually began to fear for my life. At one point he gestured to us and I flinched because I thought he might be trying to reach for a gun.
He said that he hated women, that if he could go back in time, he'd never touch a woman ever again because it brought him nothing but bad luck. "I mean, I'm 57 years old, and I'm more afraid of women and relationships than I was when I was 15. And who's gonna wanna go out with me? It's not like I can date anyone young. Like sure, I can date an 18 year old, their legal but I wouldn't for my moral reasons. I have a kid that just turned 20 last Saturday. I have a grandchild in her teens. I couldn't do it. I look at you two and picture you as my children. I couldn't picture you as some Playboy bunnies running around for me to chase."
He starts talking about how his wives ruined women for him. That women in the old days used to find a man and hang onto him for dear life and they'd never let him go. Now, he said, women just used men to get things. "It used to be about making love, not about cars or money or looks. My first two wives saw me as a meal plan so they used me as a meal plan. There isn't one decent woman left in the world, is there?"
Sheer terror is running through our veins at this point. I'm just holding onto the fact that he said he viewed us at his children and maybe he wouldn't kill us because of that.
Then he starts talking about his music. "You know, I'm no good at singing or playing any instruments, but since I've been through so much, I can write real well. That's the only good thing I ever got out of a woman, that now I can write music so well." Kelly, in attempt to get him on his way out, offers out a meek, "Well, I hope you have good luck with your music. Maybe things will turn around for you."
The man starts to walk out of the aisle he's standing in and Kelly turns back around in her seat to face the screen. But the guys takes something out of his pocket and starts walking towards us
I am beyond scared shitless at this point and I whisper, "Kelly, he's coming down the aisle!" in a panicked tone. Both Kelly and I are actually shaking at this point. I mean, he did only take out his wallet, but it didn't stop me from thinking that maybe he wanted to make our deaths more personal by strangling us.
He pulls two cards from his wallet and places it back in his pocket. As he walks closer to us, he says, "You know, I've been on a local tv station before. Nothing big, but I came on with attitude saying that I can't play and I can't sing but I can write music. It's on youtubeyoutube. He then mumbles something about if he sent his music to a record dealership without knowing anyone, it would go straight into the trash.
Finally he begins to walk to the exit and says goodbye. Kelly and I both tell him that we enjoyed talking to him and that we wish him luck with his music. After he leaves, there's a few moments of silence before I lean over to Kelly saying, "Hold me, I think that's the closest I've ever come to dying."
