My Sister is an Idiot

My sister Deirdre isn't the brightest person in the world. And that's being generous.

Example A-

Deirdre gets bored one day and decided to see how far she can stick a roll of painters tape on her arm. Usually she can't even get the roll past her elbow but Deirdre somehow managed to get it onto her upper arm. Sh's pretty impressed with herself for a few seconds, but when she realizes that she can't get the tape off her arm, she starts to loose it

I come downstairs to the sight of my mom grabbing the roll of tape and trying to pry it off my sister's arm.

Deirdre- Mum! Oh my god, what if we can't get it off?! What if it's stuck!? We'll have to call the fire department!

My Mom- (While trying to pull off the tape) Oh please Deirdre, what would we say to them? 'Hi my 21 year old daughter got a roll of tape stuck on her arm, do you think you could help us get it off?' They would just laugh and hang up the phone!

We ended up having to spray the roll of tape with Pam to make it more loose and then slide a knife between the tape and her arm and cut it off.

Example B-

Myself, my brother, Deirdre, and my mom were sitting in our living room one night watching Planet Earth. Or maybe it was Life... Either way, it was the episode about mammals. We're watching it in silence when a commercial comes on and Deirdre turns to my brother and says, "Do you feel out of place here Connor?"

Connor- Um...no. Why would I feel out of place?

Deirdre- Because we're watching a show about mammals, and me, mum, and Bridget are mammals but you're not a mammal

A startling silence takes over my living room as we all digest what was just said.

My mom is the first to speak saying in a very controlled voice, "Why wouldn't Connor be a mammal Deirdre?"

At this point Deirdre realizes that she's said something very stupid, but still doesn't know what it was.

Deirdre-Well...he's not a mammal. Because...because he can't...make milk. Right?

Connor- Yeah, I'm still a mammal. Despite the fact that I can't make milk. Sorry to break it to you.

Me- Yeah Deirdre, what would he be if he wasn't a mammal? It' not like he's a reptile or something.

Deirdre- Shut up! I was taught that you were a mammal if you could make milk and Connor can't make milk!